Subservient Men

Some men have terrible, even abusive childhoods. These men grow up with a need, usually driven unconsciously, to keep their “heads down”.

Some men live in cultures where to speak up can lead to imprisonment. In Western Societies there are also pressures to conform, to keep silent and be uncomplaining.

One prominent Canadian woman, in charge of the Conference Board of Canada, remarked that Canadians are “compliant”.

To me, that is a symptom of a dependency culture. There are dependency cultures in many countries. The characteristics of some cultures are a loss of sense of time, the loss of the need to fix things in the society, and daydreaming, which is sometimes mistaken for thinking and planning. Some cultures are very dependent and others less so.

The military does require discipline and the problem with that is that dependency results. Senior officers are allowed to think but unquestioning obedience is what is demanded of the lower ranks.

We see men who have had the courage to leave countries to escape oppression. They bring their families to a new land to hopefully have a better life. Some, fortunately not all, live in the new country with a mild to severe problem of always being afraid, just as they were in their previous homeland.

Why is He a Subserviant Man?

So we see upbringing, family and social reasons that individually or together may lead to a man who “hides” from the world. As a youngster, he may hide inside himself to avoid his secret fears and unfortunately he could bring these fears to his adult life.

Subservient men do differ in degree depending on how much trauma that they suffered. A woman has to decide for herself what kind of male friend or partner she wants. A man who is not outspoken will usually not be difficult to be with, even if he is not an entrepreneur or a scholar who challenges the establishment.

Some men will externalize what happened to them and be as aggressive as the parents or others who abused them, typically in a cultural or nation where violence is prominent. It is called in psychoanalytic language “identification with the aggressor”.

Such men are also in all levels of our societies so that women will meet them throughout their lives. On my CDs, I describe many different types of men, including a subservient man, and answer some questions and complaints that women have sent me over the years.

Order our Seminars for download or get the 4-CD package. You are investing in your life, in your future. What can you do to help your man become less subserviant?